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Daniela's Transformation Journey
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Widowhood. What a strange word! Is anyone supposed to be a widow or widower? There is no manual. We're not prepared for it. How am I supposed to act now? There's no more we, it's just me. I'm nobody's wife anymore. I'm single. I don't know what that means. Everywhere reminders of my husband, my marriage. A smell, a song, furniture, pictures, his favorite things, his camera, his cars... Why is all that stuff here but he isn't? Should I act timid and helpless to attract pity and attention? Should I act tough and strong to portrait the image that I'm ok? I'm not ok! But it's ok not to be ok! Some days I'm ok, most I'm not...
Widowhood. I never thought it would happen to me. Especially not at age 41...
Being a widow definitely shows you who your friends are! Other couples find you awkward. You feel awkward around them. Most people have a hard time sharing your pain, loneliness, and memories. They mean well but don't know what to do. Instead of asking, they'll do the strangest things, some hurtful, some even funny, most very offensive. They don't mean to hurt or offend, they just don't know what it's like! It's so important to hook up with other bereaved folks. Otherwise you might think you're going crazy. Until you find out that you're having all the normal symptoms of grief, you're coming close to losing your mind! Restlessness, aggression, loneliness, pain, depression, fear, sleeplessness, binge eating, drinking, drugs, denial, hopelessness... all possibly part of grieving. To make it short, it sucks!!!
I don't know what I dislike more, the men who patronize me or the thoughtless folks who hurt me unknowingly. I know I need to not take things personally, but that's easier said than done...
And still, I'll get through this... One day at a time! Sometimes an hour at a time, sometimes a minute at a time... But I'm going...
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Now, at age 44, I have more good days than bad days. More days where I'm just me, not a widow or a former wife or a single woman - just me!
I remember I'm widowed when filling out paperwork and my marital status is asked. Most are giving many options, and when given the choice between single and widowed, I still pick widowed. I'm single, but I'm ok to be by myself with myself for now. I'm redefining who I am - who I want to be. I work with my therapist and other coaches and am rebuilding what I gave up and what I thought I'd lost during my late teens and early twenties. I love my own company and lately have been putting so much effort into my own self that I didn't even have time to feel lonely. Life is good, and one day, if it's supposed to, another person will enter my life as a partner. If not, that's fine too, for now! I have five dogs and nine cats currently, and several months back a horse named Chewbacca entered my life. All these furry guys give me so much unconditional love, show me how happy they are to live with me, and willingly submit themselves to my petting therapy! What more could I want? The hummingbirds are back, too, and my life is full of serenity and peace midst nature and wonderful animals. I wish every widow could experience this to help healing and growing and living!
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Today, I'm Daniela. I am 46 years old now. I'm not a widow anymore. I'm not a victim! I'm a victor - cancer victor, bereavement victor, entrepreneurial victor. I am a single woman, a successful business woman, a woman who loves her life! I have met a man who totally intrigues me. I overcame widowhood and am once again whole!
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links
For more information:
Daniela Bright
11710 Valle Verde Drive
Colorado Springs, CO 80926 US
Email: d.bright@prodigy.net
© Copyright 2008 Daniela Bright. All Rights Reserved.
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