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Daniela's Transformation Journey
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Death slammed into my life many times. At age 12 I lost my father to suicide. At age 28 I lost my beloved maternal grandmother. At age 39 my only living paternal relative, my father's sister, died completely unexpectedly. At 41 I was widowed. I thought I had handled all those previous deaths, but my husband's death stirred up a tremendous amount of pain and then some...
My husband's death may have been a freak accident, it may have been suicide - I won't know in my lifetime. It was even investigated as a homicide.
Death, a natural part of live, no matter how it came about, is shocking and painful to those who survive. I felt like someone pulled the rug out from under me and turned the lights out. I was free-falling in a dark vacuum for months. I was crying hysterically, or not crying at all but numb. I was sad, hurt, feeling guilty for surviving and for feeling happy sometimes, and basically just lost. Those who have not lost a loved one to death can't even begin to understand what I'm talking about!
Life continues, and though I'll never get over my husband's death, I now believe that I'll get through it! I'm enormously lonesome, but this is the time to focus on myself and do some housecleaning rather than running into another relationship too soon for all the wrong reasons!
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It is June of 2004 - 16 months have passed since my husband's death. I have days now when I just live in the now, without thinking about being widowed. Then I have days that are very hard and full of emotions and pain. On 5 May 2004 my good friend Wes was killed in a completely senseless and avoidable car crash. A 25 year old woman snuffed out his life by speeding through a red light, distracted possibly be her cell phone. Wes stood behind me at my husband's funeral. Wes helped me pick contractors to make repairs on my home. Wes helped me find a financial adviser. Wes checked in to see how I'm doing. I was so shocked and numb when I was told about his death. All the 'old' feelings came back and new ones surfaced, grieving for his loss, hurting for his family - as I can say now that I know exactly what they're going through! Wes left a wife, a daughter and son-in-law, his beloved grandson A.J., a brother... We'll never figure death out! We just have to learn to live with it! As hard as it is... I try to find peace in the wonderful memories I have of Chuck and Wes together. I thank God for those memories!
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It is July 2006. Last November I had to have a hysterectomy, and while I was under the knife, my friend Wendy's eighteen month old daughter Katie died in the same hospital. Katie was a very special little girl whom I felt very connected with. Her completely unexpected death hit me very hard. I carried around resentments and anger and just recently made a huge breakthrough in processing these feelings and moving on with my life, overcoming being stuck in grief. I've learned to process grief and to move through it, coming out better on the other side. I know now that I can withstand anything in life, including death!
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links
For more information:
Daniela Bright
11710 Valle Verde Drive
Colorado Springs, CO 80926 US
Email: d.bright@prodigy.net
© Copyright 2008 Daniela Bright. All Rights Reserved.
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